So basically what has been going through my mind.

You know how I always seem to give a lot less of a shit about everything that happens to me? Like, people will say stuff to me or about me and it won't affect me at all? That's because I've pretty much got two halves to my thinking: the older, more mature one that refuses to ever give up control, and the immature little brat that sits there pouting and crying in the back of my head, deeply ingrained within my subconscious. My main line of thinking never really gives a shit about whatever anyone says, but subconsciously I'll be hurting throughout the day, and sometimes it'll take over a bit and give me really weird mood swings. I don't know why the fuck my brain thinks it should pretty much split my thoughts between two personas and shove all the good stuff into the main one and throw the scraps to the subconsciousy one, but it does, and it can be extremely convenient for pretending that I'm totally okay while really part of me is having a mental breakdown on the inside.

I don't know if I explained that well enough, but whatever, that's the best I can do right now. :P

Since I'm going back to school to see all the people I've had weird mixed emotional qualms with, doing two fairly large and important tests within the first three days (math exam and EQAO), having to put up with the Science teacher I had last year and hate so much throughout the entire semester (first thing in the morning, too, so first class to start the school year), and having no clue whatsoever who I'm going to hang out with during breaks and such...my brain has been feeding my weaker, sunconsciousy half - which is basically a whiny inner child - all the bad thoughts to get me prepped for school. I actually have zero care about what happens on the first day and have been in complete physical bliss over the past couple days...but in between activities my subconsciousy bit takes over and wipes the bad emotion all over the good ones I have been trying to put in place.

So yeah...in case you wanted to know why I'm simultaneously happy yet suddenly depressed at times, all that is the reason...I think. I'm not exactly the best at making a clear translation from thought to paper/internet, but I sorta wrote what I could and hopefully at least a person or two will actually understand it. But probably not.