New Blogger Editor Layout!

It looks extremely sexy, if impossible to navigate and way too insanely white and clean. That's all I have to say on the matter.

EDIT: I also decided to change my username from shadowpangolin to [SP] as it fits better in the little "by" blurb underneath the title line.

MORE EDIT: So it apparently doesn't fit in any way whatsoever. But I'll keep it as [SP] for now because I guess that's easier to respond to? Also I need to figure out how to post user icons beside blog posts...

Vlog Status and...a LIST.

The vlog is going to be started sometime soon... I'm not giving any more dates as I'll probably just procrastinate them again. Though the fact that my Bluetooth headset is working with my laptop is a good push in the right direction. I still am too lazy to figure out what software I'm gonna resort to using to record and edit the video clips for the blog, so once I get that done it'll only be a matter of organizing my thoughts and getting it done.

Now, for a list of things I hope to start doing more of. I think I really need to get into more activities than just playing video games and sitting in front of my laptop every day. So I'm thinking of a few things I'd like to get into my routine so I can get better at them and have more to me than just being lazy on the internet.

- GUITAR. I wanna pick it up again. The problem is, I don't know what songs to try doing that'll sound any good on my acoustic guitar that's collecting dust in my bedroom. Maybe I'll start with something incredibly simple and meh, then work up to things I really enjoy like some older Sum 41 songs.

- EXERCISE. You heard me right. I need an exercise routine! I think I'll start by doing some push-ups and sit-ups every night and morning or something. That'll be easy enough to start off. I've done it before, but I hadn't really made it an "official" part of my routine until maybe now.

- CODING. Augh I really need to get back into this. Since I came back to Ubuntu Linux, I have been finding a few things difficult to adjust to. And even though I'm all like, "that could take two seconds to fix with a string of code and a bit of know-how" I never bother doing anything about it. Though I don't really know where to start as far as coding goes. I kinda also wanna try setting up a sort of file system on my flash drive that can act both as just a file browser in another OS or even a standalone OS itself. But that's very far down the road...maybe I should play around with Linux distros first?

- WRITING AND DRAWING. I need to get back into these....as soon as school starts I will try and do some stuff, but it's so hard to push out my thoughts onto paper and such...

That's my (small) list. Doubt I'll actually take any action on any of those things. I'd also like to get into cooking a bit more, but y'know...low attention span.

So yeah...vlog sometime soon, and I'm gonna try doing more stuff to keep my mind occupied from all the stupidity in the world.

Devan out...

Plans for the night.

Yeah, not day, NIGHT. I plan on staying up all night. Because I'm extremely lonely and because I have no plans whatsoever tomorrow. Also because I suddenly have an urge to do things and also would rather do my flyers at night rather than during the day. So here's what I'll be doing tonight:

- SNACKS. I'm gonna have a cup of tea and maybe some food to start out the night so I don't run out of energy Already in my pajamas, so they'll be lighter, thinner, and more comfortable than my jeans, and will help a lot to conserve energy too.

- FORUM. I shall resurrect my dead forum by posting in a ton of threads and making new ones, INCLUDING A THREAD FOR DISCUSSING WESTMOUNT TIMETABLES. If you don't remember the URL, it's http://boredomandresolution.forumotion.ca/, and we desperately need new members and activity. D:

- TRANSFORMICE. I will play a bit of it tonight and try to once again become addicted to it during this next week or two, in memory of last summer. Also I have an alt account for new objects that came out that I want but don't wanna wear on my regular account, so I'll need 150 cheese to earn just the first thing. If you're interested, I MAY play in a private room with someone while on my alt account, provided they aren't one of the like...3 people I haven't told stuff yet. :P

- MOVIES. I needa watch one badly. I'll probably end up watching Lady and the Tramp or something. Just something to wind down and cuddle up with a plushie to.

- FLYERS. I'll do those tonight as well, so I have more time to...be lazy and useless all day tomorrow. Maybe I'll start taking some advice from that list I read earlier and put it to use. An exercise schedule surely wouldn't hurt, and maybe I should learn to cook more foods and play guitar and stuff.

And of course I'll still talk to people, and possibly play video games or something halfway through or when I'm finished everything. But for now, I'll just work at the list. Chow! *sulks off to get food*

Camping! (with pictures and stuff)

In case you didn't notice, I was away for the entire weekend. I went camping with my Dad and brother up to MacGregor Point Provincial Park. It wasn't all that bad actually, spending a weekend with the old man who I barely ever see or even talk to. We did a lot of biking along the trails in the park (of course I got lost and separated from the group), went to the beach (the water was shallow and freezing cold, but not at all crowded), explored the nearby town (where my Dad bought the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy in one book), ate a lot of fast food, had campfires and roasted things over them, ate ice cream at the park store...you know, camping things.

There's a fucking turtle on that rock...see it? SEE THE FUCKING TURTLE?! It is a goddamned big deal, and you should be molesting the fuck out of the image of that turtle with your puny little eyes.

 Here's part of the view from up at the top of the observation tower near the middle of the trail. :P

 WATER. Doesn't that shit look ice cold? It was pretty damn cold...and people were swimming in it!

That's the old man himself. And more of the beach. It's not the main beach, just a small secluded strip off one of the bike trails we went down. The entire fucking campground was pretty much a giant beach.

Another fucking turtle. Coulda touched that shit. Better appreciate that shelled bastard, foo'.

Yes that is my pale hand and yes those are huge marshmallows. They're like...8 times as big as normal marshmallows. I ate an entire two, and my fatass brother had three. We never even got through half the bag...

Our shrine to the iced tea gods. I have no fucking clue why my Dad decided we should throw our cans beside the goddamned fire pit when we were done with them. At the end of the trip we put them back in the box and took them to the recycling bins...why didn't we just throw them in the box in the first place?

More beach. This was actually at sunset point, I think. That was such an awesome spot to be...I almost wish we could've had a picnic or something there rather than just stopping in in the middle of a bike ride.

 So here's a froggy. Not as great as the almighty turtles, but still pretty damn cool. He let me get right up to him. Dunno why, maybe I'm good at approaching slimy pond things? Whatever, this thing is the shit.

My ugly brother creature! Don't dwell on this image too long or you'll get eye herpes.

Oh, and here's a picture of my feet. Dammit, my crotch sticks out a ton and got into the picture. >.<

So yeah, that's camping...anyway time to go eat something now.

>yfw I actually blog

I accidentaly just posted that. Fail

Anywho, I haven't posted in like..... 3 weeks maybe? I dunno, some dumb shit like that.

BESIDES THAT What is up beautiful people? I'm Nick, and I don't have an intro, saying I don't have an intro is my intro.

Wait,you may already know me.

Fuck.

I haven't been doing much at all lately.

I did win my soccer game today.^.^

I'm now sad it was my last game.

I also have a theme song now: http://soundcloud.com/drainpuppet/nick

Bye

School - Schedule

School next week. I've already confirmed a couple classes with both a grade 9 and a grade 10 at Westmount. I have Mr. Clark as an advisor, and here's my schedule thus far:

SEMESTER 1
1 - Grade 9 Gifted Science - Ms. Millar - 210
2 - Grade 10 Gifted History - Mr. Paterson - 225
3 - Grade 9 Academic Geography - Kalogiros - 235
4 - LUNCH
5 - Grade 9 Gifted Math - Mr. Worthington - 100

SEMESTER 2
1 - Grade 10 Gifted English - Mr. Cox - 121
2 - Grade 10 Academic Math - Ms. Lackovic - Portable 1
3 - Grade 10 Academic Science - Mr. Tole - 206
4 - LUNCH
5 - Grade 10 Careers - Mrs. Ruff - 227

So as you can see I have grade 9 courses in there. For those who don't know the full story, I was very slow in completing some of my grade 9 courses due to "laziness", or in my eyes, depression and a large hate for the world. Math in period 5 I have 3 days of (EQAO testing and the exam) as soon as I get back, then I have to finish French in that period (I'm a little past 50% done already...about 11 or 12 units) and I also have to redo Geography and Science. I could've finished Science but I was just really butthurt about the damn teacher and the fact they placed me in academic rather than gifted. Also nobody would talk to me, except the guys in my carryover class who occasionally tried talking to me. The girls were all ditsy jerks though. Geography...I just couldn't pay attention to it. I really was messed up in the head then and definitely shouldn't have been in school.

But I guess all this works out, because a couple of my friends are in my grade 9 classes too. Or rather, one friend is in a couple of my classes. Maybe I'll recognize more people when the first day comes around...

Yeah, I'm gonna have to study for my Math testing this weekend sometime. Though my top priority will be seeing everyone I know before I go back to school. Friends matter a lot more to my sanity than a few stupid test scores. :P

I'M BACK AND ALIVE.

I shall ACTUALLY blog tomorrow. Same with the vlog...forgot to do it before I left. >.< Oh well. More to talk about now anyways.

So I'm really tired now. My Mom talked to me for like an hour and I missed 3 people, then I went for a shower and lost two of the same people as well as one different person. Heh. Sorry guys. Especially Davy, since I kinda deserted him in the middle of stuff and then he had to go to bed. :C

Ima get juice, then Ima go to bed. It's still early but I'm really tired and feeling...not stay-uppyish? I'll see y'all in the morning...hopefully. 'Night peeps! *slumps off to get teh juices*

:P

12:45 - Cleaning ladies woke me up. Thankfully somebody didn't actually come into my room and confront me until after I had heard them downstairs and shoved anything I didn't want visible into my desk. Must've been pretty weird for the cleaning ladies to see me going to the basement with a bunch of cables, my laptop, and a PS3 controller...while still in my pajamas. Hung out playing GTA in the basement for an hour or two, then let the dog loose and cooked up a couple pizza pops and played more PS3.

3:40 - Puppy took a shit on my bed and I had to wash the comforter. After throwing that in the washer I grabbed a long shower and after getting clothed and everything I went and grabbed the mail. Spent the rest of the afternoon chilling around and using my laptop because I couldn't start my flyers as I was going to see a new house with my Mom an hour later.

6:30(?) - Picked up Wendys for just my Mom and I. The house was really nice although incredibly small and even though I knew it'd be the best we could afford, I wasn't happy about how much we'd have to downsize, and when I was honest with my Mom about how I felt about the house, she flipped her shit and thought I was being moody and ungrateful. After I used a simile to communicate how I was feeling and got her to finally calm down and have a rational conversation, we ended up at Wendy's.

Now I'm just sitting here, finishing off a baconator and a thing of fries. It's taking me a long time to eat as I feel kinda shitty and cold right now (I'm even wearing a hoodie) and I am also paying more attention to writing this. On top of all that, I'm kinda procrastinating with putting together my flyers...I'll get them as soon as I finish this blog.

I don't know what happened as far as sleeping went. Went to bed around 12am and got up at 12:45pm...almost 13 hours of sleep, and I even went to bed early. Makes no sense whatsoever. I probably am extremely sick...my sex drive is feeling extremely dull and almost non-existent, a large hint my body always gives me when it feels I'm not doing so great. I also have barely any motivation to complain or say anything on Twitter, which is unusual since I usually spam the fuck out of it.

All this won't impede on the vlog so long as I find enough things to talk about in time. And maybe I need to find video editing and capturing software...and the capturing software will need to work in Ubuntu 10.10. Though I can edit the video on my OTHER laptop...the one with the broken monitor and all. If I can't find anything that works on this thing, I'll have to somehow figure out a way to cam on my other laptop...or y'know, my video camera or phone.

Flyers now. I may be on the internet in a couple hours, but don't count on it. I feel in the mood for something solitary like PS3 or Minecraft or something. Maybe a movie. Anything where I don't have to contribute to a conversation would be good. It seems like all my friends require a large amount of input when it comes to talking to them, and they won't keep talking if I act like Scott and say nothing or just give one-word answers. Also they'll eventually want to spill personal details on me, and I can't deal with someone else pushing problems or expectations of any sort on me when I'm unable to pull out of a mood myself. Maybe tomorrow I'll talk to people? If not I'll have my phone with me during the camping trip, and it'll be on at all times unless I run out of data or end up camping where there's no signal or roaming charges. So yeah...seeya.

*yawn*

I'm pretty content and exhausted after today. Didn't finish the book I was reading until 3am, and ended up lying there in bed for like a half hour to an hour before finally falling asleep. Got woken up around 7am and rushed to get ready. As soon as I had everything, I made my way over to Hayden's house...well, I did once I received his address halfway to his neighborhood (yeah, I didn't ask for his address, I'm such an idiot). We spent the first little part of the morning playing LittleBigPlanet on Hayden's new PS3 and talked about just any random stuff. After we had enough of that, we decided to hop on the city bus and check out 1UP Games, EB Games, and Gamestop for some cheap games (in that order).

1UP Games proved to be rather expensive, so Hayden decided to grab the games he wanted at the Gamestop in Limeridge Mall instead. As soon as we had the games, Hayden decided to go down to the food court for a snack. He bought each of us a mini burrito thing from Taco Bell. They were filled with really drippy meat, tomatoes, cheese, and probably one more thing but I don't remember what it was. I ended up getting it all over my hand, but that's what tongues are for.

After all that we decided to go pester Nick. Arrived at his house just as he was pulling into the driveway. His friend Colin was there and the four of us hung around his place for a bit before walking out to Colin's house and then coming back immediately after...simply so Colin could change from jeans into shorts. Then we hung around Nick's place a few minutes more and I grabbed my copy of LittleBigPlanet Game of the Year Edition back from him and got the $10 he owed me. We capped off the afternoon with Slurpees (I bought for Hayden since he bought me the burrito thing) and we parted our different ways on the way back to our separate destinations.

Dinner at Hayden's house was pretty nerve-wracking until his uncle left the table about 5 minutes into eating. Then it was just Hayden, his grandmother, and I attempting to tame and eat the wild beast of a meal that is spaghetti. I turned down everything except a bottle of water and the main course as I had already had the large Slurpee, and my stomach gets a bit weird when I'm uneasy around someone such as Hayden's uncle. When we finished up we went out to the backyard and did some beanbag tossing with his little cousin. Well, it was more like "watching Hayden spin his little cousin around and wrestle him" than just ordinary beanbag tossing.

Everyone but the two of us had to leave for a soccer game, so we both went down to the basement and talked for a bit before finally deciding to pass the time with the only other multiplayer game Hayden had that wasn't LBP or whatever that terrible sports game he had was.

We played Call of Duty: Black Ops.

It was actually really enjoyable. I don't know why. Maybe because I was actually decent at it for once. We won most of the games and I even warmed up to Hayden's stupid grippy things that he dished out $5 for just so he could have curved triggers. We played on the internet for most of the time, but at the end of that we did a couple rounds of zombies. Then his grandmother came back, so we had to pack-up. I got a lift home, and Hayden gave me one of his Bluetooth headsets and I let him borrow Fallout 3.

Overall it has been a good day (although tiring) and I really feel a ton better after getting out of the house and hanging out with Hayden. All I've done since I've gotten home is put away my loose change and games and stuff and set up my laptop to do this blog post. I think I'm gonna call it early tonight since I'm so tired and had a full day of not-so-boring stuff. Pizza Pops are always a good late-night snack, so I'm just gonna scarf down a couple of those and head off to bed right after. My favourite earphones seem to have decided to work in both ears tonight, so that's a plus. I think I'll just play Minecraft or do some social networking while I listen to music and await my precious pizza-stuffed delicacies' decent to room temperature.

Oh, and just to be clear, my Dad decided to pick my brother and I up a day later (now Friday night) so I have an extra night of talking and whatnot. and I may delay the vlog to a day later than planned because I have that extra little bit of time and still need to decide on what all to do for it exactly.

So I'm gonna go make those pizza things now. I'll probably post a short blog in the morning or something because I don't feel like I've spilled all my thoughts, but I feel too tired to post everything now. Seeya!

Twitter thing added...also can the world just go away?

Unless you're looking at the mobile page, you'll probably notice that I've added the Twitter widget to the gadget bar off to the right. So for those of you that don't want to bother with Twitter but are curious about what I post on there, just move your eyes a couple hundred pixels over and check it out. But if you're reading this and you see any posts about being depressed, I apologize for that, as I'm not in the best mood right now.

In case you wanted to know why I'm suddenly feeling depressed, here's my spiel. So basically Scott and I had planned sometime last week that we'd hang out on Sunday, and he had to bump it to today due to "family plans". Well, as far as I know, he blew me off yet again with the excuse that he hadn't asked his parents yet and they were out so he couldn't ask now (even though his parents wouldn't have given a shit), and most likely just sat around playing video games and ignoring me when I tried to talk to him after he gave me his excuse.

That's not the only thing though...for a while I've just been feeling like my friends are slowly drifting away. Three already over the past little while have just kinda dropped outside of the radar and I never talk to them online and thus never see them in the flesh. Other friends I'm starting to talk to less and less too, and my online life seems to be getting gradually more awesome but also seems to impede any progress made with "real-life" friends. And since some of my closest friends are never able to hang out with me and I don't really feel a strong bond with anyone, it's all starting to pile-up and affect me greatly. Doesn't help that I've been sick the last couple of days, been busy doing "slave labor" as my Mom calls it (my flyer route), and every other day I have to tidy and vacate my own home so some person(s) can march in and judge the way my family lives. Last night was the one time I was actually able to get a good sleep over the past few days, and even that was cut short because of the 9:45-10:45 showing in the morning.

I think I'll be alright come tomorrow morning. I sure hope so...I don't wanna be in one of my "moods" to hang out with Hayden. I'll probably have more positive input for Twitter and the blog almost as soon as I wake up. Or at least more usual input. :P Still kinda psyched to start vlogging, which I think I'll do Wednesday just before I leave for camping Thursday through Monday. No idea what I'll use to put it together...

And that's about that. I feel a bit calmer and happier already now that I've vented a bit, but I still don't want anything more to do with people tonight. The best idea now is to grab a warm diet coke, a book, my wolf, and my iPod for a good couple hours of reading before bed. Getting immersed in a new world really helps  to take away the pain and stress from this world. So unless you really wanna text me because you have something extremely important or just want to be a prick and spam me with one-word texts to which I will reply with rather inappropriate language, I'll be ignoring the internet until morning.

Until then...g'night! :3

Twitter, Vlogging, and the usual.

Sorry for not blogging yesternight. Was extremely sick in the morning and then spent the entire night talking to people. In case you don't already know, I'm now in a relationship. :3 But I'll spare you the details for now.

So today I got up at 9:15am...and had 30 minutes to get the house ready for a 9:45-10:45 showing of the house. It was just a matter of cleaning up my bedroom...and not eating or showering...I had about enough time to make myself a cup of tea and grab the dog after I finished tidying the place. :/ And ever since I've been listening to music and talking to like 4 people while Twittering, eating raw spaghetti, and eyeing poptarts that I can;t seem to stomach. Currently attempting to start up Minecraft...it's being really slow. x.x

Regarding the original purpose for this blog post (and henceforth the appropriate title name) I'm thinking about adding a Twitter application to the side of the blog, for those who are too lazy to go on Twitter but are still interested in seeing some of the crap I say on there every so often. Also I might start vlogging once a week or once every couple weeks. Would anyone care for either of those? And if I am going to blog, should I just use my phone or webcam, or should I go to the trouble of pulling out my Cybershot and messing around with that? It'll have much better quality (12.1MP versus 1.3MP...you don't even need to understand technology to realize how big of a gap that is) but I'm not going to be doing it too often and not many people will be seeing it anyways, so unless you really want to see my face (you creeps) then I'm not gonna bother with setting the thing up.

Yeah...I think I'll do a blog montage sometime this week before I head off camping from Thrusday 'til Monday. I'll use all three cameras to see which one is more convenient and which one has better quality for what I'm doing. I dunno if I'll post them on YouTube yet; I might just post them there and feature them in the blogs rather than making them blog-exclusive. I haven't really done anything with my YouTube account anyways, so may as well dust it off and throw any vlogs I do up there. :P

Welp, I think my brother actually decided to make breakfast. I should go check on him and possibly eat some. Later!

DAMMIT DEVAN

YOU THINK YOUR MOFUCKIN FLYERS ARE BAD

But serious, I got a 252 stack of Ikea catlogues on Monday morning, so I had to deliver those to every single house before I even started my flyers, then on Thursday I had to put together about 250 flyers and THEN go deliver those, and to top it off, I also had to deliver Sears 'Christmas Wish Books" Raaaaaage

A TON OF STUFF AND (maybe) EMOTIONS

So, I got the flyer routes done yesterday. It was a bitch to do, but my brother and my Mom helped, so it was done a lot quicker than I expected it to take me alone. We also went to DQ for orange juliuses afterwards which was a tasty treat.

Spent the rest of that night watching Futurama...and once again wiping out my laptop and starting fresh with a new OS. Well, not exactly "new". I'm now running Ubuntu Linux 10.10 (Maverick Meerkat). To those of you who know nothing about computers, I basically removed everything that made my computer work before and replaced it with something faster and nicer looking but a lot less practical. And I love it so much. Steam, Raptr, and iTunes (to an extent) work inside Ubuntu, and supposedly Microsoft Office 2010 works in it too, but it needs the actual disk to install it, which I don't have.

Today I basically spent my day doing nothing. Set up my computer more, cooked and ate some Pillsbury biscuits, ate half a bag of raw spaghetti, got a really bad headache that two tablets of Tylenol cured instantly, and played Grand Theft Auto IV all evening. Tried some Sobe smoothie drink or something that tasted amazing. But yeah, nothing else really happened.

Tonight I plan on gettin' comfortable and watching some Futurama while eating Pizza Pops. So interesting, right? Well, I wish it was a little more interesting. I think I might get more in-tune with the internet communities at some point...introversion sucks large hairy horse dicks.

...Drama. It is ripping me apart. So many people are dealing with issues with other people, issues with me, issues with other people I know...the list goes on. It's quite frankly the most annoying thing ever. Why can't people just talk out their problems rather than bitching to someone else about them or covering the problems up and acting weird while pretending everyone else knows what's wrong and should be apologizing. But whatever. That was directed at a bunch of people who I am certain don't read my blog anyway *coughsam'sfriendscough* *coughnataliecough*

REMEMBER PEOPLE. I like honesty and I like it when people are open with me. You can pour your heart out to me and I can give you advice, but CONTINUOSLY BUGGING ME ABOUT IT WILL NOT PROVE GOOD FOR MY MOOD OR YOURS. Unless I prompt you for more information, it's best you keep your problems vague rather than going into detail about something I couldn't give less of a shit about.

THAT SAID. There are people that don't talk enough and are always trying to hear about me. Expecting me to talk is a BAD IDEA. One-sided conversations will usually drop my interest pretty quickly. I struggle as-is trying to keep up conversations where both people are talking. It's even worse when one person starts a conversation and sits there expecting me to say interesting things or rant or blah blah blah, and every five minutes they'll post "lala" or whatever to signify that the conversation is going nowhere and I apparently need to do something about it, when in fact it is BOTH of our responsibility as we're BOTH part of the conversation and BOTH of us are not talking.

Kinda got off on a rant there. Notice I'm not angry, just...a little fed up with all this. Tired, if you will. Right now I'm actually in a good(ish) mood in person (if a bit lonely), but naturally my inner, unspoken voice that only really makes it out onto the internet is very depressed and angry and sad and all those negative things that people don't like to see or feel. So I'm not yelling, just...thought-dumping, I guess. Like taking a load off my back emotionally.

That's all for tonight, I guess...

FLYERS.

So apparently I'm not camping with my Dad until NEXT weekend. Thought I'd clear that up with you guys first.

Two routes down, one to go. And then I have to deliver them all! All I'm gonna get for a paycheck for this as well as the last two weeks is about $60. That's disgusting. I need a better job...

I have to do a route of 76 houses every week. That means stacking up about 8 flyers and shoving them into a plastic bag 76 times and then delivering them, all within a two-day stretch. But this week I got dumped with an extra two routes, one for 86 houses and the other 100 houses. I've been working for 7 hours today and only managed to get my route and the 100-house route packed and ready to be delivered, leaving the 86 house lot for tomorrow, which I will have to manage around delivering all the routes and having a house showing between 4pm and 5pm.

But yeah...I'm totally dead right now and in one of those moods again sorta. I came up with so many ideas to write a story about and had my iTunes on shuffle at full volume the entire time. Was brutal as fuck. And now I'm lonely as fuck, aside from maybe talking to Sam, though it'd be much easier if she actually used Google Talk rather than just Gmailing me.

Welp, I've really got nothing else to say. I'm gonna sit here for a while cuddling my wolfie, listening to music, and reading a book I finally managed to get my hands on. Then soon I'll go to bed...

Flyers Flyers Flyers

I just woke up about 45 minutes ago. I have yet to eat something. Three routes worth of flyers are sitting in my garage and I have to get them all put together today so I can deliver them today. With tomorrow's delivery and the weekend camping trip on the weekend, I will barely have any time to hang out with anyone - internet-wise or by other means - until Tuesday. Isn't that just fucking peachy?

I have to do my normal route of 76, plus two additional routes of what I think are 86. So that means about 5 hours of putting them together and about an hour per route delivering them. Fun.

I've had a can of Coca-Cola but no breakfast/lunch, as usual, so now I need to go grab a shower or something, scarf down a couple poptarts, and get to work.

Oh, and my PSP Go bricked last night. Even the power light refuses to turn on. So there goes a large sum of money I was planning to put into something new.

So anyway, time to go do the most boring thing in the world...

SO IT APPEARS DISQUS HATES ON MA THEME.

TIME TO FIND A NEW ONE. x.x

I just have to say this because I doubt my friend will ever read my blog anyways.

If Scott had a crush on me, I don't know whether I'd laugh hysterically or just tease him about it and call it adorable. But I'd never take him seriously about it, not even for a second. With the way he acts, the way he ignores me and the way he never tries to arrange any days to hang out and leaves it all up to me...I may as well hate his guts. And I'm not the only one he does this to. Unless he shaped up pretty quickly, I wouldn't even consider CUDDLING with him. And I'd cuddle with anyone, so that's pretty serious.

Yeah, I'm sure he doesn't read my blog, so he probably won't ever see this thing. :P

It's... 11:25 PM

And this blog I just typed had an error so it turns out I'm not writing a blog today.

...and became utterly fucking awesome.

So, in the last blog post I ranted about the house showing and mentioned some previously conceived plans. WELL. At around 3:30am, Hayden and I decided to hang out just the two of us to change it up for a change, since I always see him when Scott's around and they both act like douches together. This morning, I texted him exactly at 11am (I said I'd text him between 11 and 12) and he didn't get back to me until 12 because he slept in. We worked out the details and, just after I had gotten back in the house after the showing and settled fown a bit, he showed up.

And it was a blast. First he came down to the basement and we figured out that Killzone 2 has no local multiplayer. So then we just sat there...talking about random shit. Weird, right? It's extremely rarely you can see two nerds having fun just talking. Then we pulled out our laptops and went on to talk about technology and shit and share the music we like. Things were going pretty well, but then my stomach growled and we decided we should eat something (it was 2:00pm by this point). Since he's used to city life and eating out, as well as the fact that there isn't much to snack on in the house, I threw him a can of Coca-Cola and grabbed one for myself, then we both headed out to Domenic's pizza. We talked a ton and listened to music on the way there. Though the place was closed for the next hour, so we walked up to Shopper's Drug Mart instead and he picked me up Fallout New Vegas brand new for PS3 for only $20 (which I need to remember to pay him back for) and then headed down to the corner store and piled up our cash for a couple chocolate bars and a bag of Skittles. Talked all the way back, then went home and played some Fallout for a bit to try it out before going back outside and again talking up a storm and fooling around at the park across the road.

Dinner was alright too. At first Hayden seemed uncomfortable, but soon we got to gossiping with my Mom about the various friends I've brought over to my house. Went back downstairs to talk some more and play Rock Band (which I am apparently good at or something?) and sealed off the evening lounging around talking about video game consoles. He had to leave at 8:30 and now I'm lonely, of course. :P

So despite all the shit that happened earlier today, the day ended off well and I feel pretty content right now. Though I don't have anyone to talk to...I already miss my online chat buddy. >.< Oh well.

Today went from shit...

This is the first part of the day; the second (good) parts will follow in a separate post.

So I woke up in a bad position (figuratively, not literally) around 9:40am. I put on a random alarm labeled "friends" the night before and it ended up waking me at 9am, so I decided to go back to bed for a little while, just to rest and think. My brother knocked and got me out of a daydream and when he came in he handed me the dreaded phone. I answered the call and my Mom told me there was a showing of our house between 12 and 1pm, and that I needed to have the house clean and ready by then. I had already made plans for the day, so that fucked everything up.

After throwing all my clothes in the washer and picking out of the small bit of clothes remaining in my dresser, I grabbed a quick shower and jumped onto my laptop. Made myself a large mug of tea and also had a coke, but never even took a nibble of the poptarts I had open in front of me. Caught up on my Twitter and when I had finally finished the two beverages (in a matter of maybe 5 to 10 minutes) I went upstairs and threw my sheets in the washer as well, as they were due for a cleaning. I had a good chunk of time left by that point, so I didn't think it'd matter.

By this time my puppy had already been out and about and I was frantically trying to make everything spotless and organized. So of course the puppy does no other than piss on the carpet for me. Then after telling her off, she sprints up and hides under the bed in my Mom's room, thinking everything is a game and dashing out of whatever side I wasn't on only to go back in under the bed. I was infuriated with the mutt and stressed with all the pressure of trying to organize the house on my own and finally yanked the dog out from under the bed by her paw and threw her into her crate downstairs. I wasn't too happy by that point. Then, as if things couldn't get any worse, the dryer and washer loads were taking way too long to do their cycles. The loads did partially finish in time, at least what I needed to make the house look normal, but it was annoying nonetheless. The house was cleaned and ready just in time, so without shaving like I needed to, my brother and the dog and I all went over to the park for an hour or so.

While my brother walked the dog around boredly, I was sitting under the playground equipment attempting to see Minecraft Pocket Edition on my phone. And not only did the person show up at 12:49, but they only stayed for ten minutes before heading back out again. I was pretty furious that I had put all that work into the house just for someone to come in and take a quick peek at the latest time they could possibly manage. DURING LUNCH HOUR. Not the greatest start to the day. Surely things would improve later...

Ugh, weekdays are SO unexciting.

Just sitting here with nothing to do now. I went to the library and managed to pay off a fine of $1.25 and I thought it'd be a lot more expensive so that went well. Didn't even need my ID or anything to get my card renewed since I'm 15 and last used my card when I was 13, before I was considered an "adult" to them. Even found a book I wanted to read, and since I'm on the fourth in the series and all they had was that and the 20-somethingth book, that was pretty impressive. Also went to the post office and didn't need ID there to pick up an uninteresting envelope that they weren't allowed to bend to fit in the post box.

Got home and have been chilling here in the basement since, aside from a boring dinner of salmon skewers and white rice. I've been playing a bit of the campaign in Killzone 2 on the hardest unlocked difficulty, Veteran. It's pretty easy once you get the hang of things, and I've been making steady progress through the first level. Well, I was until my controller died and I decided to go on my laptop instead. Right now I'm blasting my iTunes on shuffle despite my small headache. I love disregarding headaches.

Welp, just nuked some popcorn and I'm off to get that. Maybe I'll force Nick to write a blog post later or something, if I'm bored enough to talk to him.

Had a dream about "this man"

So the man I spoke of in my last blog might very well have appeared in my dream. I fell back to sleep shortly after blogging and the dream I had was very vague, short, and, well...dreamlike. It lacked a lot of those realistic qualities I usually have in my dreams but that may have something to do with me being already well rested and having dreamed like three times already last night.

In the dream, there was someone dangerous in my basement. My family was gathered around in the living room and the only thing I thought I could do was protect myself. When he came up the stairs, I grabbed a handful of knives from the drawers in the kitchen (our house is extremely small, so the kitchen is pretty much a part of the living room and vice-versa). I threw the knives at the man and one even hit him in a good spot and went in deep, but he still stood there smiling creepily. Then I awoke.

See, this is what I'm talking about. It's super simple to inject a face into your dreams if you want to. Simply seeing the photo caused my own brain to focus on making a dream involving the face and a scenario in which it would be the main focus. So it'd be just as easy for someone to convince themselves they saw him in their dreams when really it was just another generic and faceless dream person.

Dreaming.

The way I dream is odd. It's much like lucid dreaming, only I've left it up to my subconscious what exactly will show up in the dream. Whatever I'm in the mood for usually pops up, however the thought behind it all is very abstract from what I myself might think up as a scenario in my consciousness. And the details in my dreams are far greater than that I've heard from other people's dreams. I think it has something to do with a greater mind capacity, possibly the reason why I find it so hard to concentrate on one thing at a time as I am always trying to think many things at once and end up losing track of what I was originally thinking. When I'm in a dream it feels so close to reality, even though I know that it's a dream. I have full control of my actions within the dream and if I don't like how it's turning out I am easily able to find a way out.

Despite my odd dreaming habits, I have never seen this man in my dreams, or at least I don't remember ever seeing him, though there's an odd feeling of spooky déjà vu. Upon seeing the picture I wasn't so much revolted as I was absolutely fucking terrified of the image. Although I have felt faint bad vibes come off of certain people in the past, I have never had such a sure and strong bad vibe come out of anything as big as the one this image portrayed to me.

Now, even though there's a possibility that people could be seeing the same man in their dreams, I think it has more to do with how revolting the picture is. The eerie feeling that one gets when seeing such a thing can often confuse people, and when offered something as vague as their dreams to blame the déjà vu factor on, they are quick to place him somewhere and burn the image in their head. It is possible for someone to replace things in their dreams and memories so that they confuse them with real memories or hide things from themselves which are too traumatic to handle. A spook factor given by this image would be a simple enough trauma to allow those who see it to simply modify their cached dreams with the image. Since people apparently don't remember or see proper faces in dreams (I don't know if this is true since my mind seems to be capable of designing faces and even full projections of false people from scratch) it would be very easy for them to plant the image where they couldn't fully remember a face and say it was him.

The thing is, the theory that he could be someone in reality hijacking dreams could very well connect to me being able to think up my own dreams. Since I have control over my dreaming, this could be the reason why he has never showed up. Other "weaker" dreamers who seem to not have the ability of control that I have may have really wide openings for people to get into their heads and mess around with their dreams. Though when I read through all the supposed dreams containing the man, a couple displayed possible similarities to my own dreams, especially the one involving the slit throat. I've had a dream where somebody finished me off by slitting my throat because I was in fear of something worse happening (and since my dreams are very realistic, pain is something that is emulated way too well within them). I don't even remember who it was, and it most likely wasn't the man in question, but it's definitely got some relations.

Well, for the moment I'm going to say that it's gotta all be a big hoax. Like I said, somehow this image must be manipulating people into thinking that they've seen him before, and somehow the image was made up by some team of psychologists that know how to get into one's mind. It's the only explanation that makes any sense to me, really. The theories on the site all contain some level of religious/supernatural/magical mumbo-jumbo, so there's really no realistic explanation as to how a few thousand people have spied this weirdo while in dreamland. So it may as well be a hoax.

Sleep, or lack thereof.

The other day I decided to stay up all night talking. So worth it, except when you're trying to play new games on PS3 and end up falling asleep twice due to ridiculously long game updates as well as a system update. Killzone 2 I have to say was the most confusing game in the history of ever, considering I started playing matchmaking only to be chucked into an extremely long match consisting of like 10 different gametypes throughout the duration. And the controls are all shit though there was at least one that I can tolerate. Seriously, don't put grenades and firearms on the same side of shoulder buttons. Does not want. I'm fairly good at it, but I just...have no fucking clue what's going on half the time. It's madness.

On the other hand there's GTA IV which I'm pretty disappointed with. Looks like they spent more time optimizing it for use on the Xbox 360 rather than the PS3 because some of the cutscenes are glitchy and the controls feel off. Not just the way the controller feels which can't be helped, but there's almost a slight delay I feel in the controls. Casuals wouldn't even notice, but I certainly do. You'd think a game that was such a big staple for gamers not too long ago would have had all the bugs worked out by now.

Aside from finally playing those games I spent most of the day sleeping. Went to lay on my bed for a couple minutes waiting for my Mom's friend to clear out and ended up curling up with the cat and before I knew what was happened I had fallen asleep for like a half hour. My Mom came in when I woke up and I asked her about dinner, at which point she offered to make me something and I asked for a burger and rice. I fell back asleep and woke up again when she woke me and told me my food was on the counter, but I fell asleep again and she ate it on me.

Later on I woke up and went downstairs, ate a ton of caramels, ate a breakfast sammich, and of course went straight back upstairs and fell asleep. Kept waking up in the night, so I decided to just stop trying around 5:40am. Now I'm sitting here waiting for my Mom to get up for work so I can grab some ID offa her and possibly make the trip to the library to get my new "adult" library card. The one I was supposed to get when I turned 14 or something. Yeah, I read a lot, can you tell? :P I actually used to read a lot, but there's a small fine on my old card and I need ID to get my new card, so since my Mom likes to hold onto my ID, I haven't had a chance to get a new card, even with the library in biking distance.

So yeah, other than a few books but more likely a bit of gaming, that's all I have planned for today and the rest of the week. Exciting stuff, huh? What's the point in having a summer break if all you're going to do is sit around and play video games because work prevents your parent from taking you anywhere and weekends are booked solid with family plans? Fuck is this ever annoying.

I am such an emote whore. ;D

Look at me go! :o

...Seriously, I need to cut down on these things. x.x

Maybe I'll just lighten up and stick with it. :P

The game sucked, but I've got other games to compensate. :3

So today we spent most of the day out. Woke up at 11:50 wearing nothing but underwear and with a face full of puppy. As soon as my Mom pulled the slobbering brat off me I got showered and everything and then immediately headed out for lunch at A&W. The food was good and I only managed to get a pea-sized spot of ketchup on my white Green Day shirt. Sat in the hot car afterwards for an hour or so with the puppy while my Mom and her boyfriend went and grabbed a few groceries. Fed a caramel to the dog for entertainment and played Yoshi's Island on the SNES emulator on my phone until they got back.

Went home to find out the 2 hour open house only brought in 2 families to see the place. Hopped on my laptop after settling down and tossing my newly gained candies in my desk cupboard, but only got a few minutes of webernets before being pulled back out to go to the football game. Gawd do I hate sports. And of course I bought Killzone 2 and GTA IV when we stopped at Gamestop before the game, so that only made the waiting worse.

Everyone there looked like a bunch of idiots and acted the part too. And you'd think that the four 15-minute quarters would be over in an hour plus maybe 30 minutes worth of breaks. Wrong. The game lasted three hours, maybe 30 minutes more, and we were there an hour before to get to our seats before all the hustle 'n' bustle. It rained. I got soaked. My skinny butt started getting sore on the benches about a third of the way through. The sun was in my eyes for half of it. And I don't even like sports. I kinda caught on to the rules by the end. The Ti-Cats beat the Argos. Whatever.

After the game we headed home and ordered a pizza from Gino's (I hate their pizza, but it's a greasy hot mess nonetheless). I've been sitting here talking to a couple close friends ever since I got home and haven't gotten a chance to play my new games. Onto my second can of Coca-Cola and finished off a couple slices of pizza. These Skittles and caramels are gonna make me sick on top of all this, but hey, it's worth it, as is missing out on my new games. Friends are important shit. ^.^ Still blaring Paper Wings on repeat...can't get enough of this song for some reason.

I'm probably gonna stick it out all night. Play some PS3 later maybe. I feel a bit sick now, but I probably won't stop piling onto my sugar high any time soon.

...Killzone 2, anyone?

This is a bad title, deal with it.

SO MANY TABS. o.o

That is the largest number of tabs I've ever had open in Chrome at once, and probably largest out of every other browser I've used in the past as well. The first five are songs on Youtube (Tears Into Wine, Bleed American, Dust in the Wind, Make it Stop [September's Children], and Paper Wings), followed by a new tab and then all 27 webcomics that I read. Well, a couple I haven't read yet, and Homestuck isn't among those 27 because I've yet to bookmark it for daily reading, but you get the picture. I read a shitload of comics (hehe...Chrome says "shitload" is an actual word). It takes me forever to get through them all every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. So worth it, and I would read more if I could find any interesting ones.

Anyway, I had a terrifying dream last night. I was in a house of sorts, I think it was the Jansens' house though it looked nothing like it. My mind decided to go with another of those weird made-up houses it likes to produce all the time. We were all sitting around and suddenly I said something that triggered some sort of conversation about the house actually being haunted and there were huge disturbances and stuff. For some reason there were like 20 people in the house and we were all crowded around the basement 'cause, y'know, ALL supernatural activity happens down there (*cough*cliché*cough*). Eventually it came to the point where I decided to very nervously go down the stairs and check out what was going on. The light was on in one half of the ginormous basement, but on the other side it was pitch black...except for a vague silhouette of large white horns on some sort of devilbeast the size of a bus, accompanied by large, angry, glowing red eyes. There were also several little devilbeasts situated beside it; obviously it's children. As soon as I saw them staring directly at me, I freaked and flew back up the flight of stairs and ran into another room, blabbing about the size of the things and then immediately running into the backyard.

Two interesting things about this dream. Firstly, I went to bed without anything but a pair of underwear and my wolf, so of course I wasn't exactly in the same sleeping conditions which might've made my body a bit uncomfortable and caused it to display a horrifying dream, the likes of which I haven't seen for months. Second, when I saw those devilbeasts, my brain emulated genuine terror. This wasn't just the "I'm scared because it's a bad dream" kind of thing, this was the "HOLY FUCK I THINK I SHIT MYSELF" kind of terror. It was way realistic and I think my brain is getting a little too good at emulating emotions so truly.

Before wrapping this thing up, I've got one more thing: I've been eating these chocolate Cheerios by the handful and they're pretty good, but I still don't like cereal so it's simultaneously good and disgusting.

So yeah...stupid football game tonight, woo?

MORE PERSONAL, JOURNAL-ESQUE BLOG POST THING

So today (technically yesterday) I awoke to the sounds of not-hamsters because I had put the rodents' cage in the laundry room for like the third night in a row for being too noisy. Got up groggily and checked my Twitter on my phone, blah blah blah. Laptopped for like an hour or so catching up on Tweets and obsessing over like five songs that were open in my browser and have been constantly playing in my head for the last two days or so. Made and ate some french toast, then went back downstairs for more laptop. Door bell rang shortly after and it turned out to be some guy saying how the flyers that I needed to have delivered that day had been dropped off at the wrong house. He apologized and left and I threw the flyers into the garage and went to go grab a shower.

All clean and full of sparkly goodness I set about putting together the flyers and nearly 3 hours and a lot of iTunes later I (barely) managed to keep what's left of my sanity intact throughout another grueling episode of the most boring job in the history of the Earth. I then made myself some grilled cheese in a pan and managed to cook BOTH sandwiches WITHOUT BURNING THEM for the first time ever. It was great grilled cheese and I was immediately able to kick myself out the door to deliver the damn flyers. Two more hours of boredom - along with the added bonus of sweltering heat - and I was on my way home again. Drank 2 entire water bottles and immediately tucked into my laptop (among other things) but this time in my bedroom.

Mom came home with a chicken and a handful of groceries (finally) and along with the fries I prepared beforehand we made an alright dinner. I gave myself like 5 fries and managed to eat that and the helping of chicken my Mom gave me while only being a little bit sick afterward. Nabbed the Sharpies my Mom brought home for me and went back up to my bedroom as soon as dinner was cleared up. Have been talking and listening to music since then and even watched @dietfrizz do a stream of some war thing in Minecraft at some point.

So, there's another day of my totally interesting life. This chair is disagreeing with my ass and nobody important seems to be online so I think I'll get some sleep after maybe one or two more play-throughs of Tears Into Wine and Paper Wings.

Oh, and one last thing. I think I'm slowly becoming a bit of a kitty, though I'm still a fox (or at least I am for the time being). All this means is I might be a little more kitten-esque the next time you see me.

Anyways, g'night peeps!

And I can't tell if you're laughing...

...between each smile there's a tear in your eye.

God am I obsessed with Rise Against. I really suggest that everyone listen to Paper Wings right now because it is an awesome song. And then there's also Make It Stop (September's Children) that's worth a watch/listen as well.

Yeah, this update's a bit late. Get over it. I've been talking to people and people are more important than remembering to write blogs. BUT AS PROMISED I feel inclined to write a more personal, journal-esque post than I did the other day. It'll be coming up in a bit.

Cheers~

Whoops...kinda got lazy there.

I've been busy talking to someone and doing stuff on my good ol' laptop so I haven't been able to blog over the past couple days, but I'll be back on-track and updating daily now. Sorry for being a bit neglecting.

If you've been following me on Twitter, you'll notice that I Tweet about a lot more than I even put in my own blogs. This is because nobody really reads my blog, but I have almost 30 followers on Twitter, and even if half of 'em are bots, a few people do reply to my Tweets and the environment as a whole is just so much more interactive than a blog like this. So if you don't follow me on Twitter, you might wanna consider doing that. Or Heello if you prefer...I might use that a bit more than Twitter since it's just opened in LIVE beta or something like that. On Twitter I'm @shadowpangolin and on Heello I'm @kitten.

SO. I've been feeling rather non-productive lately so I haven't really gotten to much. I hope to force myself into trying out some anatomy sketching since I can't draw anatomy whatsoever. I might even force myself to write something. Problem is, I get writers block every time I open a blank Word document. Nonetheless, I'll try my best to at least look productive. I think I'll even try to start-up another destined-to-fail project...just to keep me busy and productive.

Welp, I don't really have anything journal-esque right now. I'll leave the journally part of things for later updates. Anyway, that's it for now!

Something to think about.

From what I've seen, preschool and kindergarten are the points where an average human being has the most genuine maturity. After that, they forget how to build up actual maturity and instead become really good at pretending to be mature. Through being a little too mature myself, or rather, "pretending" to be mature, I've found it a lot harder to get along with people, to accept myself, and to actually move through life as a whole.

There are a lot of differences between actually being mature and pretending to be mature. For instance, maturity definitely is not putting up with other people and pretending to like them for the sake of whatever benefits come to you through doing it. Instead, actual maturity is coming to terms with the fact that you don't like someone, letting them know this, and then keeping your distance. This way you avoid all the stress and annoyance of having to deal with someone you absolutely hate, and the other person avoids being used and is aware of the things that they may need to change about their personality to become more tolerable. If you calmly tell someone that you don't like them because of the way the behave, they'll most likely want to change the way they behave rather than being a further jerk and yelling at you for not being tolerable of their flaws. I remember back in kindergarten that I did not socialize with anyone that I did not consider a friend or a friend of a friend. I remember nobody except for those who I hung out with, and I never got into a fight with anyone that was in my own grade, though I did fight a lot with bullies from older grades. One time I got detention for ripping a Beyblade at someone because they tipped my stadium which I had been keeping some special broken parts in and I couldn't find the parts afterward. Kids were jerks back then, and it seems that today's world is teaching us to let ourselves get bullied as a part of learning to get along with everyone rather than retaliating and protecting yourself.

Moving along, another difference I've found between maturity and pretend maturity is that those who pretend to be mature try to further themselves in career choices and other man-developed skills and opportunities, whereas when I was in kindergarten, all anyone in my group of friends cared about was getting the most of life. School and schoolwork weren't issues, and all we focused on was hanging out and having fun. We didn't need to fight each other or be better than one another. We knew how to share with each other and in doing this we never did without. If somebody roofed a ball during wallball, everyone as a group went in to the janitor and asked if he could get it down. If one of us wasn't particularly happy with the contents of our lunch, we'd pile together some food for that person and in turn take what the person didn't like for those of us who liked it. We had all we needed through sharing and in turn got things we really wanted because of it. Nowadays if you want something in someone else's lunch or don't have one yourself, people will be as kind as to eat right in front of you and comment on how good what they're eating is.

Yet another example: when I was in kindergarten, people did not give a shit about possessions. I mean, sure, you'd bring something neat to school and everyone would drop their jaws and crowd around you. But you often brought it to share with your classmates though your classmates would respect if it was too precious and delicate to be passing around. And when it came to getting new things, everyone encouraged others about getting new things rather than bragging that they already had it. They'd be all, "I hope you get one for your birthday!", rather than, "Haha, I got a GameCube and you only got a GameBoy." Then there was the fact again that if you didn't get what you wanted, someone who had it would bring it to school or invite you over to try it out. Though back then we would barely even care about the object and would often ditch it in favour of the great outdoors.

Lastly, I remember there was no racism or sexism or anything like that. Back when I was in kindergarten, everybody was accepted in our group no matter what. I had a friend that had a huge obsession with books and would read nonstop. I had a friend that was female and nobody treated her like she didn't belong in a group of guys. I had rich friends and poor friends, strong friends and weak friends, older friends and younger friends, smarter and dumber friends, but nobody was treated differently. Eventually the girl left our group because we were starting to give her less attention because she was into different things, and many of my friends started hanging out with other people during recess that related more specifically to them, whether they got along perfectly or not. This all happened within two years, as our brains gained more and more knowledge from school each day. Back then we would all be excited about getting to see the person in the wheelchair and talk to the caregiver. Nowadays I seem to just get pissed off when a handicapped person is taking longer than everyone else to walk down the hallway, and thus making me 30 seconds later for class.

I think I kinda lost my "mature" and "pretend mature" thing somewhere in there, but you get my drift. People become less mature as the years go by, claiming they are being "more mature" for being able to put so much strain on themselves and putting up with a terrible world, rather than being actually tolerable and keeping up with their "childish" views on sharing, equality, conflict resolution, and all that good stuff. If everyone didn't act all tough and independent, we wouldn't have a need for the things that we would have to be tough and independent for in the first place.

/rant

I am fried.

So I've been out for most of the day fishing. I had to skewer minnows with a fishhook and sit there holding rods all day. Caught an entire small fish and a bundle of seaweed. Yippee.

In case you didn't already, I suggest you go back and read that last paragraph in a highly sarcastic tone. I think I had more fun eating breakfast at the small restaurant in the dumpy town we stopped in before heading out to Port Dover. I sat there, on the edge of the pier with my legs hanging down, holding a rod and listening to Dave all the way until about 1:30. I got sunburned pretty badly on the neck and I am pretty horrified over the fact that we may go AGAIN sometime.

Now I'm sitting here waiting for someone to drop by and possibly purchase my DS Lite. I wanna sleep but I don't really want to be interrupted during sleeping time so I'll just have to stay up until they come and go. This whole mental breakdown thing is starting to slowly clear away and I think I might be able to write or something tonight. Probably not though...I've had no motivation at all this summer except for this morning when my laptop wasn't handy, and this mental breakdown prefers sleeping to staying up and dealing with the world. I've had some interesting dreams in the last month, and getting away to a different world for 30 seconds helps even if that world turns out to be a really weird hellhole.

Welp, I think I'll go now.

Back...?

Sorry for not posting something intelligent or interesting the other day. I'm still in a bit of a mood where every single thing I think leads back to the horrible destroyed paradox world that is the end of Red Sentience. This has given me more to think about than any other book and has been a lot harder to swallow as well. Anyways...

Since I have a lot of things to share I'll do it in point-form:
- Stayed up watching DominicFear's videos on YouTube and reading Red Sentience
- Delivered flyers like a zombie
- Went to Wal-Mart like a zombie and wandered off a ton
- Lay around my room like a zombie
- Went out at 1pm, drove to outdoor go-karts on the beach strip
- Crashed my kart into stationary ones when bringing it in due to being used to a standard and having no clue where the brakes were
- Didn't even bang my broken toe, but managed to get a bloody nose and whiplash and a headache
- Went mini-putting, lost horribly
- Ate at Hutch's, listened to my brother complain more as he had been doing all day
- Got home around 4:30pm, fell asleep shortly after
- Got woken up for fresh Gino's pizza at 10pm
- Went back to sleep

There's yesterday. Going fishing now...

Moods.

I've hit one of those again. Bleh. That'll teach me to stay up all night reading Red Sentience. Now I'm not exactly depressed, more...trying to find some reason I should actually go on living for? I don't know. This story was horrifying yet comforting at the same time and I still don't even know what's going through my head after finishing the entire thing around 9 this morning. And I thought the first one was the most interesting thing ever...

But yeah, I suggest nobody talk to me for a while unless they want me to talk about really weird things that might cause some people to go off the deep end. I'll be thinking about this sequel for a long while and may try to shove it down people's throats if I feel the urge. So stay back.

You see, these are the kind of things that psychologists can't cure because it's beyond their comprehension and isn't fully explored yet. And when somebody from the same subcultury fandomy bit I'm from decides to write a piece of literature full of quizzical statements the breach deep emotion and feeling, you're almost certain to have some form of side effect from the writing. Maybe it's depression. Maybe it's loneliness. Maybe it's the fact that I have just put together a large part of who I am and possibly solved but can never fix the problem which has caused me so much pain and has given me such a burden.

It's just like with my literal broken toe. Whenever I "stand-up" to what the world has to offer, I am always able to stand up straight if I give in a good effort. However, no matter how hard I try, somebody will notice a slight limp or a slower walking pace and my pain will always show through. There will always be those moments where I just have to sit down and cringe as the pain works it's course, or moments where I act a little more reserved to protect the spot where I am in pain from collecting any more pain.

...I'm gonna go do something else now...

Well, today was pretty awesome. And painful.

Got up at 11:52am. Later than I expected, or according to the conversation I had with Scott over Gtalk/Raptr at like 3am, it was exactly when I should have woken up. Late by an hour, like I said I would be. Got on my laptop and missed Pottermore registration and checked things like Twitter and FA while eating a small breakfast sandwich and a bowl of chocolate mint ice cream. Blasted Sum 41 outside the bathroom door from my laptop while taking a shower and came out right as my favourite song on that album started up and noticed that I had internal bleeding in my big left toe whilst putting on a sock.

Grabbed my backpack and dumped out the math stuff to make room for my laptop. Scooped it up and looked out the window only to throw it back down again to put on a sweater and put my phone in a protective pocket because it isn't allowed to touch water. Headed out on my bike soon after with a flat front tire and rain pouring down, but I couldn't give less of a fuck.

When I got there we watched a bit of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic and laptopped and when we found out that the Wiimotes weren't charged we cancelled playing Brawl and went back upstairs to continue doing whatever. Scott showed me Wipeout on the PS3 and after the first couple times we played I beat him every time except once, probably because it was about speed and not about "let's kill each other!". Texted my Mom about getting me some crayons and a sketchbook, then dragged Scott outside where we actually just talked about shit the entire time. Mainly about Doctor Who and weird theories of time and all that fun stuff. Had to go home though because my Mom had my brother text me and it seemed urgent, like she was mad or something.

Biking back home was a bitch. The rain was just a light spray but still a pain-in-the-ass to bike through. My legs were extremely tired and of course my tire was still flat. Not to mention I was damp and uncomfortable and was dreading what could possibly be waiting for me at home. I dumped my bike in front of the house and immediately ran inside. Everything was normal and I went upstairs without looking at the kitchen as usual.

My Mom was upstairs and was busy messing around with some gift bags and other presenty stuff. I told her about my toe and then she examined it and told me it was broken and there was nothing I could do about it. She then went over how she couldn't find me a sketchbook that had a metal coil binding like I wanted and told me to go look on the counter and that I'd have to live with what she got me. What I found on the counter was a box of 64 Crayola Crayons, a black hardcover sketchbook with 80 plank pages, and an Aero chocolate bar. Understating my emotions to a huge extent, I was overjoyed.

So far the rest of the evening has been me limping all over the place, eating grilled cheese, cleaning out the downstairs and rearranging the living room, and blogging in between social encounters. I think I may set up my mock desktop computer and play some Minecraft, though I'm not really up to using it in the basement...or even my bedroom, for that matter. If I could simultaneously have peace and quiet AND be in a basement full of nostalgia I'd be happy, but of course that'll never happen. Unless we move and I fight for the basement rather than letting it become the games room again. MY BASEMENT. Rarr.

Today has been pretty much awesome, but TOMORROW will probably be a pain-in-the-ass.

Great Day.:D

Today was a fairly great day! I woke up around 8:00, in order to get to karate on time. Not thinking about the huge antichrist symbol on the back of it, I wore my Slipknot shirt to and from karate. (I took the bus) So, after a karate class where I learned a new kata and some neat self-defense techniques I was waiting for the bus. Some crackhead walked by, picked up an old cigarette from the ground and started smoking it. That's gross, right?! It gets better. He constantly kept glancing towards my general area and muttering to himself under his breath "Freakin' Commy"

I was thinking the same thing?

I'm a communist, for wearing, a Slipknot shit? How the hell does that work?

Whatever. I got home and got a call from my friend Justin, and I went over to his house until about 5, when I had to go home. (We got Mountain Dew and Chips on the way!:D) I was greeted at home by a steak dinner.

I was wondering if the day could get any better, but it did. I went on Blops, and started just nailing no-scopes and tomahawk kills, and I SUCK! I was really proud of myself. Then just now I salvaged my old speakers from my old desktop, and I'm about to hook them up.

So, this day was great, I'm Nick, and, peace out!^.^

Productive Day!? No, what do you think?

Today started with me being rudely awoken at about 1:30 PM by Eric commenting on how my door was open and I was sleeping in my boxers. Anywho, about 20 minutes later I got up and got dressed. First thing I ate? A cupcake, because it's Eric's birthday. I love cupcakes.

At about 2 o' clock, my friend Justin came over and we played a round of zombies, getting up to round 33, which is pretty impressive, if you ask me. On his way home we walked to the store and got Mountain Dew (Blue, the good kind!^.^) Anyways, after that I went over to my sister's soccer game, but didn't really pay attention, as I was having a massive daydream. (It involved Transformers and dinosaurs!) On the way back, we stopped to get McRaunchy'sand I ate a 10 piece chicken nugget meal.

Woo aren't I interesting?

Ouch.

I woke up around 2:30pm with back pain, the inability to walk on my left foot without limping, and a right elbow that won't bend without hurting. Trampolines are evil.

Also somebody ate the last two pieces of pizza and I'm pissed off because that was going to be my breakfast.

So my Mom came in last night a 4:30am and decided to wake me up and half-yell at me for being a bad example for my brother because he was still up on his laptop at that time and this was apparently my fault. She then forced me to shut down my mock desktop computer which I left on because I accidentally fell asleep whilst lying on my bed thinking about stuff. I didn't have to shut down my laptop because the thing only has a 45 minute battery life and died while I was asleep. Then after that she said that I was to take my gaming mock desktop thing downstairs because of my now working laptop, and THEN she decided that she would just get rid of my second computer instead. I hate her so much right now and pretty much every day when she makes stupid, uninformed decisions when she's mad. I'm not sure if she changed her mind about it or not because she's working, but that mock desktop setup is my main entertainment. The only thing I can play on this old clunker is Minecraft, and only just barely.

Anyways, that's my rant for the day. More might follow once my Mom comes home and details are revealed, but for now you are in the clear.

Nick (dietfrizz) now blogs here.

I renamed the blog appropriately, re-linked Disqus, and added a "Posted by _____" thing that shows up under each blog post title so you know who's talking. Woo.

Also I'm updating daily at the very least now to up viewage sorta, but mostly because dietfrizz is doing it and I actually see improvement in my schedule when I am blogging almost daily.

So, today was pretty much pure awesome.

Got up at 9. Managed to eat pizza and drink Mountain Dew before noon. Kelsey showed up at noon and I went over to her house. We just talked for like 2 hours and eventually ate grilled cheese for lunch. Headed out to the trampoline afterwards and spent pretty much the entire afternoon on it with Sam and Holly aside from a trip inside to eat freezies. Got a scraped elbow and a very painful internal toe injury from toppling on people and being jumped on, but it was so worth it. Had dinner there with the entire family, then afterwards went back to the trampoline. Finally decided to get off a bit later and went over and sat on the neighbor's lawn to play with their dog Yogi who looked a lot like a fox. Got another ride back home with Kelsey's dad and when I got home I was pretty happy already.

But it got better.

When I got home my Mom was on the phone, so I naturally just said "Hi" and started to head upstairs...when I noticed something on the landing that looked curious and picked it up immediately. Turns out it's a notebook charger, compatible with my old laptop as well as like hundreds of others EXCEPT my newer laptop. It is extremely awesome and retracts and stuff, and even includes a little sac for storing the cable in when not in use. I am just over the moon about this...I loved my laptop so much. I can now write stuff because my MS Word is on here. asflsadjg;hj;ajd;gasdfghjklflasjdlkgl

Hay guize

What's going on? Wait, I probably shouldn't ask that because I know nobody reads this. Um, I think I'm going to start uploading a blog daily, just to keep a good schedule.

So today, I downloaded the First Strike map pack for CoD:Black Ops. *inb4 Blops sucks* Anyways, I spent about two hours toying around on the new zombies map, Ascension. It's a large space station type thing in Russia, and it's actually really cool. My favourite part is the new perk "PhD Flopper" And what it does, is if you dolphin dive to prone off of a height about 2 feet or more, it creates a small nuke type explosion within na certain radius of the player, killing all the zombies in that radius. What I find incrediby amusing is the notion of if you called for a rescue squad. They'd be flying by in their chopper, relaying messages to "base". So, here's the scenario I thought of.

"This is Chopper 1 to base, we have found the survivors"

"Okay, you're clear to land."

"Wait, what the hell!? It appears the survivor has given himself up to the zombies, he looks like he's about to dive off of the stairs! Oh, WAIT WHAT THE FUCK, WHERE THE HELL DID THE ZOMBIES GO!? Did he just, kill them by flopping on the ground? These people must have super powers, RUN/ I MEAN FLY!"

It's probably just me, right?

Oh my god.

I just got offered $60 for my DS Lite and all the stuff I have for it. Does this person have a brain? Two thirds of my set price is not going to satisfy me. Also they're using chatspeak. Also also I could sell the thing at GameStop and ring in more cash than that. Also also also I've already been offered $70 and asked the person if they'd take it for $80. Is it just me, or are people just trying to rip me off further when I'm already ripping myself off? x.x I just wanna get the damn thing sold for a reasonable sum, not have someone throw down pocket money and watch as I sit there crying because I can't afford anything somewhat worthwhile with the aftermath.

Webcomics!

Three really good webcomics today.

Firstly, we have today's xkcd. But that's obvious because xkcd is always awesome. It's not really a funny one, but it's so true.

Next, there's today's SMBC, which is even better, though kind of disgusting.

And finally, you've probably never heard of it (unless you're Kelsey), today's Original Life has a funny punch line and is actually really insightful.

Other than for webcomics, I mostly hate Mondays. But I also hate pretty much every other day of the week too, so it's okay. Also I'm getting that "does not want to eat" feeling again even though I'm hungry and it'd be as simple as leftover pizza. I should go eat before Kelsey arrives...

Hi guys and or girls.

I'm using Courier. Porblem? No? Okay. Hi, I'm Nick Jansen, I'm 13 years old and I probably lead one of the most uneventful lives ever. That's all you need to know. Um. I'm going to try to actually keep up with blogging, and/or start a vlog as soon as I can. Those will go up on my Youtube channel, which is the same as my screen name on everything else, so I'll let you know when I start that up.

Yay for introductions.

So, I downloaded AdventureCraft, which is kind of like a mod for Minecraft but not really. Regardless, I downloaded some maps off the interwebz and such stuff like that, and I have taken a particular liking to the Zelda Maps, so I'll let you know how my progress goes on that. Um, AREN'T I SO GREAT AT INTRODUCING MYSELF.

I think I should get a quarter jar and put a quarter in there every time I say "um", or swear, because those are both becoming really bad habits for me.

I am the king of extremely long blog posts.

Man, if only my penis were as long as my blog posts.

...I'll try and make them shorter in the future. The blog posts that is, not my penis.

Bloggy post thingamabobber. (a.k.a. scheduled post)

I love how when I force myself to write blogs the titles I try to come up with are never any good. xD

So, quite a bit happened today. Because I had invited Steven over and he said he'd be here for 11, I set my phone's alarm for 9. But that didn't work out too well as the drier decided to take like twice as long to do my clothes this morning and Steven showed up at the door while they still had ten minutes left on the clock and I was also shaving. I ended up rushing my shave and had to resort to wearing a pair of jeans that was way too big and had a hole in the right knee. Not a good start.

As soon as I got downstairs we decided to hook his Wii up to the LCD HDTV thing in the living room. We spent around 2 hours dicking around entertaining ourselves with terrible games including Mario Party 8 which was the most unfair game I've ever seen. Then we went upstairs and grabbed Beatles Rock Band and played that for a while. I was doing really horribly today and failed out of half the songs on expert while Steven was pretty close to doing the same a couple times on medium and could not for the life of him play the drums properly. Because of a showing we got forced out of the house for like 45 minutes or something and had to sit around at the park with the dog while starving to death because the showing was between 5:15 and 6:15 for some reason unbeknownst to me. They took a really long time and looked in the tubs even, so we're hoping something comes out of it.

For dinner we had pepperoni pizza from Binbrook Pizza. After my Mom poured water down my back I soaked her with a glass of Mountain Dew. It confused the hell out of Steven which made it even funnier for my Mom and I. Steven and I went downstairs and I watched him play Fallout 3 while I talked to him a bit (but mostly fell asleep). He was picked up around 8:30, and instead of falling back to sleep I decided to play more Fallout 3.

Over the past couple hours though I have been sitting here in front of a monitor doing pretty much nothing. I answered some emails and checked my Twitter feed and other websites and such for updates, but other than that absolutely nothing.

Recently I decided that I just am not into my handheld systems as much anymore. I mean, sure, they're great for taking on long car rides and they have a few exclusive titles, but they have really aged and there's nothing new and exciting about them. Also it's a pain having two handhelds to choose from all the time. So I decided, since I WILL get a PlayStation Vita on pre-order - even if I have to work overtime in whatever second job I land - I will sell my PSP Go and my DS Lite and buy a Wii off a friend.

The PSP Go I am selling on it's own because I bought absolutely no accessories for the thing. It's going for $100, but my first and only offer so far wanted it for $80, and I emailed them back a half hour ago offering it for $90. My DS Lite with 6 games and a shitload of other stuff was up for $90 and the first and only offer I got was $70, so I naturally replied offering it for $80. If they do not take these prices I will throw something at someone because obviously I am ripping myself off here to get them sold quickly. And I honestly have no idea what I'll spend the leftover money on...

I'm buying a Wii off of a friend (Brock) for $73, if he can okay it with his older brother sometime this week, which shouldn't be much of an issue. It'll come pretty much un-played with everything included and whatever accessories and games he manages to find for it. The question is, if both of my handhelds sell, what do I do with the extra $97? I know I want a ton of things but I can only afford so much. Should I spend it all on Wii games? Should I get a couple PS3 games as well? Should I put a bit towards N64 games or should I just go along with the original plan of using my flyer route money for that? Should I spend it on something that isn't listed? It's not like I can save it. Whenever I save money for things, I always end up spending it on lame things like going out for lunch because I am incapable of not spending money. So it has to go into something I really want before it disappears elsewhere. And I have no clue what to get.

Oh, also forgot to mention that at some point my dog bit the inside of my nose and made it bleed for twenty minutes because I bit her tail again. Fun times. Almost passed out because of all the blood.

Now, I should probably be getting rest now so I don't fall asleep at Kelsey's house later. I think I'll give it until 3 or 4 until I go to bed like I did the other night.

Chow!